a breakthrough in drawing the life

 Life drawing has been a struggle since I got here.

From the beginning, I psyched myself out with dusty ideas--visual languages I appreciated but didn't want for myself. I felt pressured to meet or exceed the ideals of other people.

Under pressure, I made a lot of ugly drawings.
The more I tried to delight an audience, the less I succeeded, and the more awful I felt.

But last week I tried something new.

I made marks on paper. I let my brain do what it wanted.
I did not care if it didn't look like the model, or if the proportions were incorrect. These drawings are pure--pure brainwave and color.

I finally feel like I'm doing something honest in that class again.
I mean, these drawings are still far from what I want them to be, but at least I'm moving in better directions.


Tired eyes.

Need more sleep, less internet.